The Second My Child Was Involved

By: Melissa

I had a boyfriend. We were dating for about a year when I got pregnant with his child. When I got pregnant, he grew more and more angry with me over the littlest things. I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong, but I always blamed myself for what was going on and for his anger. One day, he came home from work and I was making dinner. He came in and instantly grabbed a beer, and I turned to him and asked if he can help prep for dinner.

I don’t remember much of the fight after that, but I knew he wasn’t happy. This was about 5 or 6 years ago, but I can still vividly remember how heated he was. I remember telling him to “just go sit down and I can handle it.” And then it all happened so quickly; I had a kitchen knife to my throat. I remember him saying that if I wanted to be a mother, I’d have to learn to support my family without needing everyone’s help. Then, he pointed the knife to my stomach, and said, “Or maybe you don’t deserve to be a mom.” I was able to de-escalate the situation to get him to set down the knife, but that was not the end of it.

He still had me by the arm and kept saying, “Don’t you know what’s good for you?” I ended up apologizing and tried leaving the kitchen. But by the time I got to the end of the kitchen, he shoved me from behind and I fell onto my stomach. I just remember looking at him and seeing complete hatred in his eyes. Then next thing I know, he was on top of me, banging my head into the ground. He was saying something to me each time he did, but I couldn’t hear it over the ringing in my ears.

Then something just clicked for him. He stopped, picked me up from the floor, and apologized. He asked if I thought the baby was okay. I just remember telling him that I should leave and maybe I shouldn’t be there that night. He was like, “Yeah, you’re right.” He walked over to the sink and grabbed the bleach from under the counter. He opened the lid and said, “When you leave, I’ll be sure to chug all of this so you have a bigger mess to pick up when you get back.” I was so dumbfounded that he would do or say something like that. In the end, I ended up staying.

In the end: I did end up leaving him in order for my baby to be safe. I was so scared and frightened, continually thinking about all of the heartaches I would have to experience as single mom. Now that I’m older, I realize that being a single mom is so much better than being a frightened mom in danger for her life. I learned that someone who threatens to hurt themselves if you leave is not a healthy relationship. I learned that no man, no matter how much you love them, should ever endanger the life that you are carrying. Overall, the most important thing I learned was that being a safe, protected mom will help her child be safe and protected as well.