Find Your Support

By: Judie

We used to have roommates. These people were someone I trusted dearly and someone I thought I could count on. One night, my ex and I got into an argument. I don’t remember what it was about, but I remember what it led to. We were arguing in our room, with the door wide open with my roommates in the other room listening to what was going on. Next thing I knew, his hands were around my throat. He pushed me against the wall, and I just remember my face feeling hot and my feet dangling off the floor. I screamed for help, but no one came.

He didn’t like that I was screaming for help, maybe it was because he didn’t like being seen as the monster he was. He tightened his grip around my throat and threw me to the ground. At this time, my face was not only hot, but my head was now pounding from hitting the ground and losing oxygen. I thought I was done for, I thought I would pass out as I struggled beneath him. His demeanor never changed; all I saw was empty eyes and a blank expression.

Something must have clicked in his head though before I completely passed out. He left me go and I remember coughing and wheezing, trying to get as much air into my lungs as possible. I looked up at him with disbelief and he just stared at me with a blank expression before walking to the bathroom. I knew it was my chance to get out.

I grabbed a few items, shoved them in a bag and bolted for the door. I knew my roommates heard me gasping for air, because both of them were just inside their room and looking at me in shock when I came out. One of my roommates asked if I was okay and if I needed help, and I just remember looking at them in disbelief. They were traitors. People I counted on but weren’t there when they heard and witnessed my life in danger. I didn’t say anything and left the apartment.

In the End: They never did follow me when I left. They never even tried, nor did they reach out afterwards. This was not the first incident, but it was definitely the last. I never forgave my ex for all the things he did to me, and I never forgave my friends who turned out to not be my friends at all. Over time, I did accept the idea that they were going through shock and trauma themselves when the incident happened. I didn’t appreciate how their actions (or lack thereof), but I found some acceptance in knowing that sometimes people don’t know how to react in tough situations like that. Some people just freeze when things get difficult. I learned to take care of myself and never put myself in a situation like that again, because you never know who would come running to help you. I learned to value my relationships of those who were there for me and let go of the ones who weren’t. My advice to anyone going through domestic violence is to count your support system and keep those around who are willing to be there when you need them.